[Part 3]
I'm fourteen, I'm fourteen!
Vanessa
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
May 24, '98
[Part 2]
In exactly four hours and twenty-six minutes, I'll be fourteen. I still can't quite believe it. And I was just getting used to the idea of being a teenager! That's the way it is with birthdays and everything else, I guess. Just when you've gotten used to or accepted something, a new, fresh obstacle is thrust at you, something new to tackle.
I spent a large portion of my teenage year writing in you, confiding, hoping, dreaming. But now, with only a page & a half left in you, I must move on to a new diary, one that will hopefully be as patient and kind as you have been to me. And I WILL overcome fourteen.
Yet, what will it bring? Will my friendships with Tess and Fran remain solid, or will I, in my eagerness to be "normal," drift apart from them? Will my interest in Eli wane? (Not likely). There are so many questions that I'd like to have the answers to, but don't. That's how life is, I suppose. You never know what's around the next bend. And while it's frustrating being uncertain about your future, it's nice knowing that there is something that can still shock the most organized and prepared person.
Oh, what am I babbling about? There's so much that's going to happen that hasn't. I'll enter my final year at St. Raphael's, possibly become a published author, and so much more.
But I'll get by. (With a little help from you!)
-V.
In exactly four hours and twenty-six minutes, I'll be fourteen. I still can't quite believe it. And I was just getting used to the idea of being a teenager! That's the way it is with birthdays and everything else, I guess. Just when you've gotten used to or accepted something, a new, fresh obstacle is thrust at you, something new to tackle.
I spent a large portion of my teenage year writing in you, confiding, hoping, dreaming. But now, with only a page & a half left in you, I must move on to a new diary, one that will hopefully be as patient and kind as you have been to me. And I WILL overcome fourteen.
Yet, what will it bring? Will my friendships with Tess and Fran remain solid, or will I, in my eagerness to be "normal," drift apart from them? Will my interest in Eli wane? (Not likely). There are so many questions that I'd like to have the answers to, but don't. That's how life is, I suppose. You never know what's around the next bend. And while it's frustrating being uncertain about your future, it's nice knowing that there is something that can still shock the most organized and prepared person.
Oh, what am I babbling about? There's so much that's going to happen that hasn't. I'll enter my final year at St. Raphael's, possibly become a published author, and so much more.
But I'll get by. (With a little help from you!)
-V.
May 24, '98
[Part 1]
This was one of the days when it's more annoying than most not having boy-crazy friends.
I swear, Di, I'm not joking when I say Eli was on my mind every second today. We had Track & Field, which meant out of uniform. HE was wearing baggy jeans, an orange t-shirt, and cap. I've seen that outfit a million times (it seems we both have a shortage of clothes) but my eyes still bulged out of their sockets. I stared and stared and STARED. I don't blame the entire 7th grade if they think I like him!... There is not a better looking boy in the entire universe.
Bottom line: my hormones were running wild.
And I could not tell a single person about this.
Tess & Fran played cards & table hockey. I joined in, but had to look at Eli every two seconds. I couldn't concentrate!
Neither of them suspected a thing, and why should they? In the middle of whacking Tess in the temple, what was I supposed to say?
"Uh, guys? I've got Eli on the brain and would like to talk about it?"
SMOOTH. Out of us three, I'm the oldest by 3 months and have to "go it alone." Fran's 12; she isn't really old enough to experience real infatuation. And Tess's too much of a tomboy.
I want so much to spend a whole sleepover night giggling and confiding like NORMAL sleepovers. Instead, it's "Good night and good sleep" once the light is off.
But you know what I'm REALLY angry about? When Fran & Tess finally DO experience what I'm currently feeling, THEY'LL be the ones wanting to spend the night gigging and whispering. But I probably will not want to hear by then, yet what [can] I do but shut my trap and lend a not-so-sympathetic ear to their boy dilemmas?
That's the way it always is, and it won't change. They won't come around for awhile, and when they do, I'll be past all that. Sometimes I hate being the oldest, even if I don't act like it. I'm just like every other teenage girl w/ one slight difference-- the person I confide all my angst, secrets, worries and tears [to] is not my best friends, but my diary. Because it's the only one that TRULY takes the time to listen and understand me.
Vanessa
This was one of the days when it's more annoying than most not having boy-crazy friends.
I swear, Di, I'm not joking when I say Eli was on my mind every second today. We had Track & Field, which meant out of uniform. HE was wearing baggy jeans, an orange t-shirt, and cap. I've seen that outfit a million times (it seems we both have a shortage of clothes) but my eyes still bulged out of their sockets. I stared and stared and STARED. I don't blame the entire 7th grade if they think I like him!... There is not a better looking boy in the entire universe.
Bottom line: my hormones were running wild.
And I could not tell a single person about this.
Tess & Fran played cards & table hockey. I joined in, but had to look at Eli every two seconds. I couldn't concentrate!
Neither of them suspected a thing, and why should they? In the middle of whacking Tess in the temple, what was I supposed to say?
"Uh, guys? I've got Eli on the brain and would like to talk about it?"
SMOOTH. Out of us three, I'm the oldest by 3 months and have to "go it alone." Fran's 12; she isn't really old enough to experience real infatuation. And Tess's too much of a tomboy.
I want so much to spend a whole sleepover night giggling and confiding like NORMAL sleepovers. Instead, it's "Good night and good sleep" once the light is off.
But you know what I'm REALLY angry about? When Fran & Tess finally DO experience what I'm currently feeling, THEY'LL be the ones wanting to spend the night gigging and whispering. But I probably will not want to hear by then, yet what [can] I do but shut my trap and lend a not-so-sympathetic ear to their boy dilemmas?
That's the way it always is, and it won't change. They won't come around for awhile, and when they do, I'll be past all that. Sometimes I hate being the oldest, even if I don't act like it. I'm just like every other teenage girl w/ one slight difference-- the person I confide all my angst, secrets, worries and tears [to] is not my best friends, but my diary. Because it's the only one that TRULY takes the time to listen and understand me.
Vanessa
Saturday, February 20, 2010
May 20, 1998
Yesterday marked the 5th month I've had you. It's hard to believe that in just five months, you're practically all filled up!
I remember when I first got you from I.N., and showed you to the class.
"You'll have that filled up in a week!"... called out jokingly. (The whole 7th grade knows of my reading and writing "abilities.")
Not quite...
I have to admit, I'm kinda anxious to finish you. Don't get me wrong-- you're a great comfort to me and the only "person" who truly listens and understands me-- but I've never finished a diary before. I was about right here on my last diary when I misplaced it. It's still missing, which is a bummer because I really want to read it. I think I called THAT diary "Di" as well. You'll just have to be Di 2.
I have this thought often: isn't it funny how everyone comes and compliments the pretty blue cover with the big sunflower on the front & bees swarming around it!
But just open to the middle, read a few entries, and you'll find that everything is not as serene and peaceful as it seems. A troubled young teen is pouring out her soul to the sunflower, while the bees hover sympathetically around it.
My b-day's on the 24th. I hope to have you completed with the final entry on that day.
I remember when I first got you from I.N., and showed you to the class.
"You'll have that filled up in a week!"... called out jokingly. (The whole 7th grade knows of my reading and writing "abilities.")
Not quite...
I have to admit, I'm kinda anxious to finish you. Don't get me wrong-- you're a great comfort to me and the only "person" who truly listens and understands me-- but I've never finished a diary before. I was about right here on my last diary when I misplaced it. It's still missing, which is a bummer because I really want to read it. I think I called THAT diary "Di" as well. You'll just have to be Di 2.
I have this thought often: isn't it funny how everyone comes and compliments the pretty blue cover with the big sunflower on the front & bees swarming around it!
But just open to the middle, read a few entries, and you'll find that everything is not as serene and peaceful as it seems. A troubled young teen is pouring out her soul to the sunflower, while the bees hover sympathetically around it.
My b-day's on the 24th. I hope to have you completed with the final entry on that day.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
May 14, '98
I was thinking about Karl- (someone new!) and I don't think I LIKE like him. I don't think about him LOTS, look at him LOTS, etc.
But I do both actions enough to know I like him a LITTLE bit. Tonight, wait, LAST night- I got this tingly feeling thinking about him.
I think I'm just so relieved to be thinking -and liking- someone new.
I get tired of liking Eli day after day. It's nice to lust after someone else for a change.
I'm not going to tell Francine about this. Even if she doesn't care, it's nice to keep a secret from her- for once. There's probably oodles she doesn't spill to me, so I'm getting her back- sort of.
This is how much I like Eli & Karl. Out of a hundred-piece puzzle, 95 are dedicated to HIM, and the remaining five to Karl.
-V.
But I do both actions enough to know I like him a LITTLE bit. Tonight, wait, LAST night- I got this tingly feeling thinking about him.
I think I'm just so relieved to be thinking -and liking- someone new.
I get tired of liking Eli day after day. It's nice to lust after someone else for a change.
I'm not going to tell Francine about this. Even if she doesn't care, it's nice to keep a secret from her- for once. There's probably oodles she doesn't spill to me, so I'm getting her back- sort of.
This is how much I like Eli & Karl. Out of a hundred-piece puzzle, 95 are dedicated to HIM, and the remaining five to Karl.
-V.
May 14, '98
Karl Isaacson is such a sweetie, it's nauseating!
Today in Soc. Studies, he moved from his desk to the desk on the left-handed side, last seat to see a movie we were watching better. Well, I sit left- handed side, last row, FIRST seat.
Anyway, he was pushing the desk back & saw me. ([T]his was during the movie).
"Can you see?" he whispered.
"Yeah," I whispered back.
"Are you sure... you can sit in my desk if you want."
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
And then he turned his attention back to the movie, satisfied that I was satisfied.
No other boy would be that sweet, that polite. All the other boys wouldn't care.
But NOOO. HE has to be nice to everyone.
HE has to be considerate & have manners, unlike all the other 7th-grade boys, God help him.
With some boys, niceness works for or against you. In his case, it works for him.
WHY does he have to be so perfect?
He's cute, smart, funny, athletic, caring, considerate, and gets straight As.
I hate to say it, but I've found Mr. Right --the perfect guy for me-- in Karl Isaacson.
And today's little scenario-- among other things-- proves what I've been trying to put off saying, realizing, for the longest time.
I have a new crush.
Today in Soc. Studies, he moved from his desk to the desk on the left-handed side, last seat to see a movie we were watching better. Well, I sit left- handed side, last row, FIRST seat.
Anyway, he was pushing the desk back & saw me. ([T]his was during the movie).
"Can you see?" he whispered.
"Yeah," I whispered back.
"Are you sure... you can sit in my desk if you want."
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
And then he turned his attention back to the movie, satisfied that I was satisfied.
No other boy would be that sweet, that polite. All the other boys wouldn't care.
But NOOO. HE has to be nice to everyone.
HE has to be considerate & have manners, unlike all the other 7th-grade boys, God help him.
With some boys, niceness works for or against you. In his case, it works for him.
WHY does he have to be so perfect?
He's cute, smart, funny, athletic, caring, considerate, and gets straight As.
I hate to say it, but I've found Mr. Right --the perfect guy for me-- in Karl Isaacson.
And today's little scenario-- among other things-- proves what I've been trying to put off saying, realizing, for the longest time.
I have a new crush.
Friday, February 12, 2010
May 12, 1998
I hate my haircut.
Not one person said anything semi-nice about it. Shows who your true friends are! Seriously, I was very hurt. At least someone could have the decency to say something nice! But nooo. It's too much to ask. I got everything from "different" to "little kid" to complete ignorance.
P.S.-- My sweetheart, who falls in the complete ignorance category, got moved next to me. I was so nervous that I shook!
Plus, today he said, "Do you like Fayez?"
"NO!" was my immediate answer.
"I know who you like," he replied, changing tactics.
You? I thought sweetly, without batting an eyelash.
Instead I said coolly, "That was very close to funny, Eli. Right on the edge."
He limped away.
P.P.S.-- WHY does everybody say Fayez likes me? It's driving me CRAZY!!
--V.
Not one person said anything semi-nice about it. Shows who your true friends are! Seriously, I was very hurt. At least someone could have the decency to say something nice! But nooo. It's too much to ask. I got everything from "different" to "little kid" to complete ignorance.
P.S.-- My sweetheart, who falls in the complete ignorance category, got moved next to me. I was so nervous that I shook!
Plus, today he said, "Do you like Fayez?"
"NO!" was my immediate answer.
"I know who you like," he replied, changing tactics.
You? I thought sweetly, without batting an eyelash.
Instead I said coolly, "That was very close to funny, Eli. Right on the edge."
He limped away.
P.P.S.-- WHY does everybody say Fayez likes me? It's driving me CRAZY!!
--V.
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