What is it I want? I ask myself. Why do I want Eli as a boyfriend? Is it because I really, truly like him, or is it something else entirely?
Do I just want someone to love? Or do I actually want him as a major player in my life?
Maybe... I just want to care about someone and show my affection without being questioned or laughed at.
That's how it is with my friends. I really want to show them I care. I want to hug them when they're sad. Send them cards. I want to show Tess & Francine, TELL them straight out, that they're the best friends I will ever have, and that I love them and care about them SO much.
But you just can't do that in the 7th grade.
At least not without being laughed at or given a puzzled look.
Why does the world have to be like this? Why will I be snubbed? Shunned? Just for showing my friends I care.
Is that why I want a boyfriend? Nothing will change if I do (ever have one). We're all too embarrassed at what others think.
But if we hate that, then why is it true?
V.
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