May 24, '98

[Part 1]

This was one of the days when it's more annoying than most not having boy-crazy friends.

I swear, Di, I'm not joking when I say Eli was on my mind every second today. We had Track & Field, which meant out of uniform. HE was wearing baggy jeans, an orange t-shirt, and cap. I've seen that outfit a million times (it seems we both have a shortage of clothes) but my eyes still bulged out of their sockets. I stared and stared and STARED. I don't blame the entire 7th grade if they think I like him!... There is not a better looking boy in the entire universe.

Bottom line: my hormones were running wild.

And I could not tell a single person about this.

Tess & Fran played cards & table hockey. I joined in, but had to look at Eli every two seconds. I couldn't concentrate!

Neither of them suspected a thing, and why should they? In the middle of whacking Tess in the temple, what was I supposed to say?

"Uh, guys? I've got Eli on the brain and would like to talk about it?"

SMOOTH. Out of us three, I'm the oldest by 3 months and have to "go it alone." Fran's 12; she isn't really old enough to experience real infatuation. And Tess's too much of a tomboy.

I want so much to spend a whole sleepover night giggling and confiding like NORMAL sleepovers. Instead, it's "Good night and good sleep" once the light is off.

But you know what I'm REALLY angry about? When Fran & Tess finally DO experience what I'm currently feeling, THEY'LL be the ones wanting to spend the night gigging and whispering. But I probably will not want to hear by then, yet what [can] I do but shut my trap and lend a not-so-sympathetic ear to their boy dilemmas?

That's the way it always is, and it won't change. They won't come around for awhile, and when they do, I'll be past all that. Sometimes I hate being the oldest, even if I don't act like it. I'm just like every other teenage girl w/ one slight difference-- the person I confide all my angst, secrets, worries and tears [to] is not my best friends, but my diary. Because it's the only one that TRULY takes the time to listen and understand me.

Vanessa