[Part 3]
I'm fourteen, I'm fourteen!
Vanessa
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
May 24, '98
[Part 2]
In exactly four hours and twenty-six minutes, I'll be fourteen. I still can't quite believe it. And I was just getting used to the idea of being a teenager! That's the way it is with birthdays and everything else, I guess. Just when you've gotten used to or accepted something, a new, fresh obstacle is thrust at you, something new to tackle.
I spent a large portion of my teenage year writing in you, confiding, hoping, dreaming. But now, with only a page & a half left in you, I must move on to a new diary, one that will hopefully be as patient and kind as you have been to me. And I WILL overcome fourteen.
Yet, what will it bring? Will my friendships with Tess and Fran remain solid, or will I, in my eagerness to be "normal," drift apart from them? Will my interest in Eli wane? (Not likely). There are so many questions that I'd like to have the answers to, but don't. That's how life is, I suppose. You never know what's around the next bend. And while it's frustrating being uncertain about your future, it's nice knowing that there is something that can still shock the most organized and prepared person.
Oh, what am I babbling about? There's so much that's going to happen that hasn't. I'll enter my final year at St. Raphael's, possibly become a published author, and so much more.
But I'll get by. (With a little help from you!)
-V.
In exactly four hours and twenty-six minutes, I'll be fourteen. I still can't quite believe it. And I was just getting used to the idea of being a teenager! That's the way it is with birthdays and everything else, I guess. Just when you've gotten used to or accepted something, a new, fresh obstacle is thrust at you, something new to tackle.
I spent a large portion of my teenage year writing in you, confiding, hoping, dreaming. But now, with only a page & a half left in you, I must move on to a new diary, one that will hopefully be as patient and kind as you have been to me. And I WILL overcome fourteen.
Yet, what will it bring? Will my friendships with Tess and Fran remain solid, or will I, in my eagerness to be "normal," drift apart from them? Will my interest in Eli wane? (Not likely). There are so many questions that I'd like to have the answers to, but don't. That's how life is, I suppose. You never know what's around the next bend. And while it's frustrating being uncertain about your future, it's nice knowing that there is something that can still shock the most organized and prepared person.
Oh, what am I babbling about? There's so much that's going to happen that hasn't. I'll enter my final year at St. Raphael's, possibly become a published author, and so much more.
But I'll get by. (With a little help from you!)
-V.
May 24, '98
[Part 1]
This was one of the days when it's more annoying than most not having boy-crazy friends.
I swear, Di, I'm not joking when I say Eli was on my mind every second today. We had Track & Field, which meant out of uniform. HE was wearing baggy jeans, an orange t-shirt, and cap. I've seen that outfit a million times (it seems we both have a shortage of clothes) but my eyes still bulged out of their sockets. I stared and stared and STARED. I don't blame the entire 7th grade if they think I like him!... There is not a better looking boy in the entire universe.
Bottom line: my hormones were running wild.
And I could not tell a single person about this.
Tess & Fran played cards & table hockey. I joined in, but had to look at Eli every two seconds. I couldn't concentrate!
Neither of them suspected a thing, and why should they? In the middle of whacking Tess in the temple, what was I supposed to say?
"Uh, guys? I've got Eli on the brain and would like to talk about it?"
SMOOTH. Out of us three, I'm the oldest by 3 months and have to "go it alone." Fran's 12; she isn't really old enough to experience real infatuation. And Tess's too much of a tomboy.
I want so much to spend a whole sleepover night giggling and confiding like NORMAL sleepovers. Instead, it's "Good night and good sleep" once the light is off.
But you know what I'm REALLY angry about? When Fran & Tess finally DO experience what I'm currently feeling, THEY'LL be the ones wanting to spend the night gigging and whispering. But I probably will not want to hear by then, yet what [can] I do but shut my trap and lend a not-so-sympathetic ear to their boy dilemmas?
That's the way it always is, and it won't change. They won't come around for awhile, and when they do, I'll be past all that. Sometimes I hate being the oldest, even if I don't act like it. I'm just like every other teenage girl w/ one slight difference-- the person I confide all my angst, secrets, worries and tears [to] is not my best friends, but my diary. Because it's the only one that TRULY takes the time to listen and understand me.
Vanessa
This was one of the days when it's more annoying than most not having boy-crazy friends.
I swear, Di, I'm not joking when I say Eli was on my mind every second today. We had Track & Field, which meant out of uniform. HE was wearing baggy jeans, an orange t-shirt, and cap. I've seen that outfit a million times (it seems we both have a shortage of clothes) but my eyes still bulged out of their sockets. I stared and stared and STARED. I don't blame the entire 7th grade if they think I like him!... There is not a better looking boy in the entire universe.
Bottom line: my hormones were running wild.
And I could not tell a single person about this.
Tess & Fran played cards & table hockey. I joined in, but had to look at Eli every two seconds. I couldn't concentrate!
Neither of them suspected a thing, and why should they? In the middle of whacking Tess in the temple, what was I supposed to say?
"Uh, guys? I've got Eli on the brain and would like to talk about it?"
SMOOTH. Out of us three, I'm the oldest by 3 months and have to "go it alone." Fran's 12; she isn't really old enough to experience real infatuation. And Tess's too much of a tomboy.
I want so much to spend a whole sleepover night giggling and confiding like NORMAL sleepovers. Instead, it's "Good night and good sleep" once the light is off.
But you know what I'm REALLY angry about? When Fran & Tess finally DO experience what I'm currently feeling, THEY'LL be the ones wanting to spend the night gigging and whispering. But I probably will not want to hear by then, yet what [can] I do but shut my trap and lend a not-so-sympathetic ear to their boy dilemmas?
That's the way it always is, and it won't change. They won't come around for awhile, and when they do, I'll be past all that. Sometimes I hate being the oldest, even if I don't act like it. I'm just like every other teenage girl w/ one slight difference-- the person I confide all my angst, secrets, worries and tears [to] is not my best friends, but my diary. Because it's the only one that TRULY takes the time to listen and understand me.
Vanessa
Saturday, February 20, 2010
May 20, 1998
Yesterday marked the 5th month I've had you. It's hard to believe that in just five months, you're practically all filled up!
I remember when I first got you from I.N., and showed you to the class.
"You'll have that filled up in a week!"... called out jokingly. (The whole 7th grade knows of my reading and writing "abilities.")
Not quite...
I have to admit, I'm kinda anxious to finish you. Don't get me wrong-- you're a great comfort to me and the only "person" who truly listens and understands me-- but I've never finished a diary before. I was about right here on my last diary when I misplaced it. It's still missing, which is a bummer because I really want to read it. I think I called THAT diary "Di" as well. You'll just have to be Di 2.
I have this thought often: isn't it funny how everyone comes and compliments the pretty blue cover with the big sunflower on the front & bees swarming around it!
But just open to the middle, read a few entries, and you'll find that everything is not as serene and peaceful as it seems. A troubled young teen is pouring out her soul to the sunflower, while the bees hover sympathetically around it.
My b-day's on the 24th. I hope to have you completed with the final entry on that day.
I remember when I first got you from I.N., and showed you to the class.
"You'll have that filled up in a week!"... called out jokingly. (The whole 7th grade knows of my reading and writing "abilities.")
Not quite...
I have to admit, I'm kinda anxious to finish you. Don't get me wrong-- you're a great comfort to me and the only "person" who truly listens and understands me-- but I've never finished a diary before. I was about right here on my last diary when I misplaced it. It's still missing, which is a bummer because I really want to read it. I think I called THAT diary "Di" as well. You'll just have to be Di 2.
I have this thought often: isn't it funny how everyone comes and compliments the pretty blue cover with the big sunflower on the front & bees swarming around it!
But just open to the middle, read a few entries, and you'll find that everything is not as serene and peaceful as it seems. A troubled young teen is pouring out her soul to the sunflower, while the bees hover sympathetically around it.
My b-day's on the 24th. I hope to have you completed with the final entry on that day.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
May 14, '98
I was thinking about Karl- (someone new!) and I don't think I LIKE like him. I don't think about him LOTS, look at him LOTS, etc.
But I do both actions enough to know I like him a LITTLE bit. Tonight, wait, LAST night- I got this tingly feeling thinking about him.
I think I'm just so relieved to be thinking -and liking- someone new.
I get tired of liking Eli day after day. It's nice to lust after someone else for a change.
I'm not going to tell Francine about this. Even if she doesn't care, it's nice to keep a secret from her- for once. There's probably oodles she doesn't spill to me, so I'm getting her back- sort of.
This is how much I like Eli & Karl. Out of a hundred-piece puzzle, 95 are dedicated to HIM, and the remaining five to Karl.
-V.
But I do both actions enough to know I like him a LITTLE bit. Tonight, wait, LAST night- I got this tingly feeling thinking about him.
I think I'm just so relieved to be thinking -and liking- someone new.
I get tired of liking Eli day after day. It's nice to lust after someone else for a change.
I'm not going to tell Francine about this. Even if she doesn't care, it's nice to keep a secret from her- for once. There's probably oodles she doesn't spill to me, so I'm getting her back- sort of.
This is how much I like Eli & Karl. Out of a hundred-piece puzzle, 95 are dedicated to HIM, and the remaining five to Karl.
-V.
May 14, '98
Karl Isaacson is such a sweetie, it's nauseating!
Today in Soc. Studies, he moved from his desk to the desk on the left-handed side, last seat to see a movie we were watching better. Well, I sit left- handed side, last row, FIRST seat.
Anyway, he was pushing the desk back & saw me. ([T]his was during the movie).
"Can you see?" he whispered.
"Yeah," I whispered back.
"Are you sure... you can sit in my desk if you want."
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
And then he turned his attention back to the movie, satisfied that I was satisfied.
No other boy would be that sweet, that polite. All the other boys wouldn't care.
But NOOO. HE has to be nice to everyone.
HE has to be considerate & have manners, unlike all the other 7th-grade boys, God help him.
With some boys, niceness works for or against you. In his case, it works for him.
WHY does he have to be so perfect?
He's cute, smart, funny, athletic, caring, considerate, and gets straight As.
I hate to say it, but I've found Mr. Right --the perfect guy for me-- in Karl Isaacson.
And today's little scenario-- among other things-- proves what I've been trying to put off saying, realizing, for the longest time.
I have a new crush.
Today in Soc. Studies, he moved from his desk to the desk on the left-handed side, last seat to see a movie we were watching better. Well, I sit left- handed side, last row, FIRST seat.
Anyway, he was pushing the desk back & saw me. ([T]his was during the movie).
"Can you see?" he whispered.
"Yeah," I whispered back.
"Are you sure... you can sit in my desk if you want."
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
And then he turned his attention back to the movie, satisfied that I was satisfied.
No other boy would be that sweet, that polite. All the other boys wouldn't care.
But NOOO. HE has to be nice to everyone.
HE has to be considerate & have manners, unlike all the other 7th-grade boys, God help him.
With some boys, niceness works for or against you. In his case, it works for him.
WHY does he have to be so perfect?
He's cute, smart, funny, athletic, caring, considerate, and gets straight As.
I hate to say it, but I've found Mr. Right --the perfect guy for me-- in Karl Isaacson.
And today's little scenario-- among other things-- proves what I've been trying to put off saying, realizing, for the longest time.
I have a new crush.
Friday, February 12, 2010
May 12, 1998
I hate my haircut.
Not one person said anything semi-nice about it. Shows who your true friends are! Seriously, I was very hurt. At least someone could have the decency to say something nice! But nooo. It's too much to ask. I got everything from "different" to "little kid" to complete ignorance.
P.S.-- My sweetheart, who falls in the complete ignorance category, got moved next to me. I was so nervous that I shook!
Plus, today he said, "Do you like Fayez?"
"NO!" was my immediate answer.
"I know who you like," he replied, changing tactics.
You? I thought sweetly, without batting an eyelash.
Instead I said coolly, "That was very close to funny, Eli. Right on the edge."
He limped away.
P.P.S.-- WHY does everybody say Fayez likes me? It's driving me CRAZY!!
--V.
Not one person said anything semi-nice about it. Shows who your true friends are! Seriously, I was very hurt. At least someone could have the decency to say something nice! But nooo. It's too much to ask. I got everything from "different" to "little kid" to complete ignorance.
P.S.-- My sweetheart, who falls in the complete ignorance category, got moved next to me. I was so nervous that I shook!
Plus, today he said, "Do you like Fayez?"
"NO!" was my immediate answer.
"I know who you like," he replied, changing tactics.
You? I thought sweetly, without batting an eyelash.
Instead I said coolly, "That was very close to funny, Eli. Right on the edge."
He limped away.
P.P.S.-- WHY does everybody say Fayez likes me? It's driving me CRAZY!!
--V.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
May 11, 1998
I got my bangs trimmed & hair cut. And guess what? I think I look nice.
Will Gorgeous notice? Will his jaw drop in admiration? Will he drool nonstop?
Not a chance.
Will Gorgeous notice? Will his jaw drop in admiration? Will he drool nonstop?
Not a chance.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
May 10, 1998
"Titanic" song just came on. I hadn't heard it for so long, and all the love I had for Eli just swelled up when I did. I nearly cried!
I love you, love you, LOVE you, Eli Klein!
I love you, love you, LOVE you, Eli Klein!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A Teenager's Poem to God
Dear God,
Help me to face each day with open arms and love,
praying at night to honor You above.
Help me to bravely face my challenges and fears,
and to smile through the constant floods of tears.
Help me to remember that with you there is nothing I can't do,
but thus is only possible
with the Everlasting You.
-Vanessa Waltz
May 7, 1998
Help me to face each day with open arms and love,
praying at night to honor You above.
Help me to bravely face my challenges and fears,
and to smile through the constant floods of tears.
Help me to remember that with you there is nothing I can't do,
but thus is only possible
with the Everlasting You.
-Vanessa Waltz
May 7, 1998
Saturday, February 6, 2010
May 6, 1998
A thought struck me today in math- (sound familiar?)
If I DO go to this horrid dance [on the 15th], "Limpy," as Mr. Kelley calls him, won't be doing any dancing. [Gorgeous broke his foot. Damn, he looks cute with a cast!] And -surprise, surprise- neither will I! (And Tess & Francine, but who's counting?)
Suddenly this dance doesn't seem so bad...
V.
If I DO go to this horrid dance [on the 15th], "Limpy," as Mr. Kelley calls him, won't be doing any dancing. [Gorgeous broke his foot. Damn, he looks cute with a cast!] And -surprise, surprise- neither will I! (And Tess & Francine, but who's counting?)
Suddenly this dance doesn't seem so bad...
V.
Friday, February 5, 2010
May 5, 1998
Di--
...I had a few run-ins with Eli. Lana says he & Lena aren't going out anymore. (Apparently).
Hope, hope, hope...
V.
...I had a few run-ins with Eli. Lana says he & Lena aren't going out anymore. (Apparently).
Hope, hope, hope...
V.
Monday, February 1, 2010
May 1, 1998
What is it I want? I ask myself. Why do I want Eli as a boyfriend? Is it because I really, truly like him, or is it something else entirely?
Do I just want someone to love? Or do I actually want him as a major player in my life?
Maybe... I just want to care about someone and show my affection without being questioned or laughed at.
That's how it is with my friends. I really want to show them I care. I want to hug them when they're sad. Send them cards. I want to show Tess & Francine, TELL them straight out, that they're the best friends I will ever have, and that I love them and care about them SO much.
But you just can't do that in the 7th grade.
At least not without being laughed at or given a puzzled look.
Why does the world have to be like this? Why will I be snubbed? Shunned? Just for showing my friends I care.
Is that why I want a boyfriend? Nothing will change if I do (ever have one). We're all too embarrassed at what others think.
But if we hate that, then why is it true?
V.
Do I just want someone to love? Or do I actually want him as a major player in my life?
Maybe... I just want to care about someone and show my affection without being questioned or laughed at.
That's how it is with my friends. I really want to show them I care. I want to hug them when they're sad. Send them cards. I want to show Tess & Francine, TELL them straight out, that they're the best friends I will ever have, and that I love them and care about them SO much.
But you just can't do that in the 7th grade.
At least not without being laughed at or given a puzzled look.
Why does the world have to be like this? Why will I be snubbed? Shunned? Just for showing my friends I care.
Is that why I want a boyfriend? Nothing will change if I do (ever have one). We're all too embarrassed at what others think.
But if we hate that, then why is it true?
V.
Friday, January 29, 2010
April 29, '98
Di--
HE touched me, and I have the world's most obnoxious male specimen to thank for it.
The obnoxious male specimen is Fayez Gazan. I swear, if there were a jerk award, he'd win it by a whisker-- Gorgeous would be an eighth of an inch away.
ANYHOW, we're writing paragraphs in English, and we're down to the check-it-over-with-your-ASSIGNED-partner-stage. I was assigned Jerkboy. (It's totally unfair how the teachers pair Fran & me --the smart ones-- w/ jerks like him when he doesn't even LEARN from his mistakes!)
The airhead was being an asshole & pretending he couldn't read my writing or understand my vocabulary. (What do you expect from a guy who doesn't even know how to punctuate his own sentences- much less spell his own name?) He pretended he couldn't read sounds, and just when I was beyond royally pissed off, he called in the love of my life to "investigate."
Oh, God, oh God, I thought as my sweetie skimmed the paper.
"Whoa... this is supposed to be a paragraph, not a page," he said.
I turned away, annoyed, on the verge of ripping Bimbo's paper to shreds. (Since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing-- marked everything I could find).
Fayez asked E.K. about "sounds," & how it didn't have the right spelling. Of course, being Jerkhead's friend, he was apt to agree.
"I know you thought you were the best speller in the world," he said, patting my shoulder. I wanted to take that hand & slap him clear across the face at that point!
There're a million other annoying things he did, but I'm too angry to write them down. I don't care if Eli DID "touch me." What's the big deal, anyway?
Steamed,
Vanessa
Di--
HE touched me, and I have the world's most obnoxious male specimen to thank for it.
The obnoxious male specimen is Fayez Gazan. I swear, if there were a jerk award, he'd win it by a whisker-- Gorgeous would be an eighth of an inch away.
ANYHOW, we're writing paragraphs in English, and we're down to the check-it-over-with-your-ASSIGNED-partner-stage. I was assigned Jerkboy. (It's totally unfair how the teachers pair Fran & me --the smart ones-- w/ jerks like him when he doesn't even LEARN from his mistakes!)
The airhead was being an asshole & pretending he couldn't read my writing or understand my vocabulary. (What do you expect from a guy who doesn't even know how to punctuate his own sentences- much less spell his own name?) He pretended he couldn't read sounds, and just when I was beyond royally pissed off, he called in the love of my life to "investigate."
Oh, God, oh God, I thought as my sweetie skimmed the paper.
"Whoa... this is supposed to be a paragraph, not a page," he said.
I turned away, annoyed, on the verge of ripping Bimbo's paper to shreds. (Since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing-- marked everything I could find).
Fayez asked E.K. about "sounds," & how it didn't have the right spelling. Of course, being Jerkhead's friend, he was apt to agree.
"I know you thought you were the best speller in the world," he said, patting my shoulder. I wanted to take that hand & slap him clear across the face at that point!
There're a million other annoying things he did, but I'm too angry to write them down. I don't care if Eli DID "touch me." What's the big deal, anyway?
Steamed,
Vanessa
HE touched me, and I have the world's most obnoxious male specimen to thank for it.
The obnoxious male specimen is Fayez Gazan. I swear, if there were a jerk award, he'd win it by a whisker-- Gorgeous would be an eighth of an inch away.
ANYHOW, we're writing paragraphs in English, and we're down to the check-it-over-with-your-ASSIGNED-partner-stage. I was assigned Jerkboy. (It's totally unfair how the teachers pair Fran & me --the smart ones-- w/ jerks like him when he doesn't even LEARN from his mistakes!)
The airhead was being an asshole & pretending he couldn't read my writing or understand my vocabulary. (What do you expect from a guy who doesn't even know how to punctuate his own sentences- much less spell his own name?) He pretended he couldn't read sounds, and just when I was beyond royally pissed off, he called in the love of my life to "investigate."
Oh, God, oh God, I thought as my sweetie skimmed the paper.
"Whoa... this is supposed to be a paragraph, not a page," he said.
I turned away, annoyed, on the verge of ripping Bimbo's paper to shreds. (Since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing-- marked everything I could find).
Fayez asked E.K. about "sounds," & how it didn't have the right spelling. Of course, being Jerkhead's friend, he was apt to agree.
"I know you thought you were the best speller in the world," he said, patting my shoulder. I wanted to take that hand & slap him clear across the face at that point!
There're a million other annoying things he did, but I'm too angry to write them down. I don't care if Eli DID "touch me." What's the big deal, anyway?
Steamed,
Vanessa
Di--
HE touched me, and I have the world's most obnoxious male specimen to thank for it.
The obnoxious male specimen is Fayez Gazan. I swear, if there were a jerk award, he'd win it by a whisker-- Gorgeous would be an eighth of an inch away.
ANYHOW, we're writing paragraphs in English, and we're down to the check-it-over-with-your-ASSIGNED-partner-stage. I was assigned Jerkboy. (It's totally unfair how the teachers pair Fran & me --the smart ones-- w/ jerks like him when he doesn't even LEARN from his mistakes!)
The airhead was being an asshole & pretending he couldn't read my writing or understand my vocabulary. (What do you expect from a guy who doesn't even know how to punctuate his own sentences- much less spell his own name?) He pretended he couldn't read sounds, and just when I was beyond royally pissed off, he called in the love of my life to "investigate."
Oh, God, oh God, I thought as my sweetie skimmed the paper.
"Whoa... this is supposed to be a paragraph, not a page," he said.
I turned away, annoyed, on the verge of ripping Bimbo's paper to shreds. (Since I couldn't do that, I did the next best thing-- marked everything I could find).
Fayez asked E.K. about "sounds," & how it didn't have the right spelling. Of course, being Jerkhead's friend, he was apt to agree.
"I know you thought you were the best speller in the world," he said, patting my shoulder. I wanted to take that hand & slap him clear across the face at that point!
There're a million other annoying things he did, but I'm too angry to write them down. I don't care if Eli DID "touch me." What's the big deal, anyway?
Steamed,
Vanessa
Friday, January 22, 2010
April 22
I’m sick and tired of trying to please “him.” I wore my hair differently and put on pretty gold hoops. I thought I looked pretty good. But did I get a whistle of admiration? An approving glance? Nooo.
What WOULD you get, though, from an adorable, popular guy out with Lena Lenin?
Plus, he’d be embarrassed to say anything in front of “the guys.” Then there’s the “married” factor, and we musn’t forget, Di, that he doesn’t know I exist. I’d give up “pursuing” him, but—and I echo the cries of girls all across the world in the same boat as myself—why does he have to be so darn CUTE?
Vanessa
What WOULD you get, though, from an adorable, popular guy out with Lena Lenin?
Plus, he’d be embarrassed to say anything in front of “the guys.” Then there’s the “married” factor, and we musn’t forget, Di, that he doesn’t know I exist. I’d give up “pursuing” him, but—and I echo the cries of girls all across the world in the same boat as myself—why does he have to be so darn CUTE?
Vanessa
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
April 20, 1998
Di--
I've got the most unique relationship w/ Eli out of me & my two friends. He hates Tess & Francine because, excuse my language, they love to piss him off, and do so frequently.
My relationship is entirely different. I've done nothing to aggravate him, never talk to him, so --ta-da-- he doesn't know I'm alive! Or maybe he does & just doesn't care. This IS Eli Klein we're talking about after all!
Francine-- hates Eli
Eli-- hates Francine
Tess-- doesn't care, hates him at one time or another
Eli-- hates Tess
Vanessa-- is madly in love with Eli
Eli-- doesn't know she's alive
At least Eli knows Fran & Steph ARE alive. (Not that they care, and even though it's because they annoy the crap out of him).
The good thing is that Jerkface (very good-looking Jerkface) has probably a decent opinion of me since I never bother him & he never bothers me.
On to a not-involving-Gorgeous-subject, I'm gradually becoming more grateful for having such awesome (best) friends. I mean, in their not-so-showing-it ways, I feel that they really care about me. Fran in particular has this trait I really hate, yet love, at the same time: She can ALWAYS make me laugh, especially when I'm really sad. I guess that's why I like her so much. She really cares about me, and I in turn would do anything for her. I'm really lucky to have her as a best friend, and even though she can be annoying, as I'm sure I often am, that's part of her charm. With the exception of Tess (because I don't like one more than the other), I don't think there's a better best friend in the whole world.
Tess. Sorry if this sounds sick, but I'm crazy about her. Not the way I am about you-know-who, though. Like I said about Fran, you couldn't find a more perfect friend.
She's friendly, caring, warm, inspiring, and at all the right times. She isn't as funny as Fran, but I'm glad she's not. It's part of why I like her so much. I could go on and on, but I've painted a crystal clear picture of the luckiest girl in the world-- me. Why? Because I've got the best friends.
A lot of times, I feel I don't deserve them. I know I'm not exactly the world's greatest friend. Far from it.
I don't understand. Why do they need me? Francine's the funny one, and Tess's the logical, caring one. I'm none. So why am I still around? My friendship qualities are not exactly ones to be admired. I'm rude, mean, sarcastic. So why, WHY, do I have the two best friends in the whole world?
I've got the most unique relationship w/ Eli out of me & my two friends. He hates Tess & Francine because, excuse my language, they love to piss him off, and do so frequently.
My relationship is entirely different. I've done nothing to aggravate him, never talk to him, so --ta-da-- he doesn't know I'm alive! Or maybe he does & just doesn't care. This IS Eli Klein we're talking about after all!
Francine-- hates Eli
Eli-- hates Francine
Tess-- doesn't care, hates him at one time or another
Eli-- hates Tess
Vanessa-- is madly in love with Eli
Eli-- doesn't know she's alive
At least Eli knows Fran & Steph ARE alive. (Not that they care, and even though it's because they annoy the crap out of him).
The good thing is that Jerkface (very good-looking Jerkface) has probably a decent opinion of me since I never bother him & he never bothers me.
On to a not-involving-Gorgeous-subject, I'm gradually becoming more grateful for having such awesome (best) friends. I mean, in their not-so-showing-it ways, I feel that they really care about me. Fran in particular has this trait I really hate, yet love, at the same time: She can ALWAYS make me laugh, especially when I'm really sad. I guess that's why I like her so much. She really cares about me, and I in turn would do anything for her. I'm really lucky to have her as a best friend, and even though she can be annoying, as I'm sure I often am, that's part of her charm. With the exception of Tess (because I don't like one more than the other), I don't think there's a better best friend in the whole world.
Tess. Sorry if this sounds sick, but I'm crazy about her. Not the way I am about you-know-who, though. Like I said about Fran, you couldn't find a more perfect friend.
She's friendly, caring, warm, inspiring, and at all the right times. She isn't as funny as Fran, but I'm glad she's not. It's part of why I like her so much. I could go on and on, but I've painted a crystal clear picture of the luckiest girl in the world-- me. Why? Because I've got the best friends.
A lot of times, I feel I don't deserve them. I know I'm not exactly the world's greatest friend. Far from it.
I don't understand. Why do they need me? Francine's the funny one, and Tess's the logical, caring one. I'm none. So why am I still around? My friendship qualities are not exactly ones to be admired. I'm rude, mean, sarcastic. So why, WHY, do I have the two best friends in the whole world?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
April 13
I'm scared, Di. I talked to Fran, and she said that over vacation, Nora & Belle called her. They're two popular girls, & probably called out of boredom.
Why am I so nervous? Belle just recently became popular. (Remember, she and I were pretty close). I told her about Eli (that I like him) during that same period. Even though I've only mentioned him a few times to her, what if she's told Nora? I've had this continual fear, but it was strengthened when B & N told Fran they'd try to call me; luckily I was in Florida, which my wonderful friend reminded them of.
I'm terrified! What if she has? It'll be all over the 7th grade (and possibly 8th) in minutes. It's bad enough that I like him-- he's going out w/ someone on top of it! My safe secret may not be so safe anymore!
Why am I so nervous? Belle just recently became popular. (Remember, she and I were pretty close). I told her about Eli (that I like him) during that same period. Even though I've only mentioned him a few times to her, what if she's told Nora? I've had this continual fear, but it was strengthened when B & N told Fran they'd try to call me; luckily I was in Florida, which my wonderful friend reminded them of.
I'm terrified! What if she has? It'll be all over the 7th grade (and possibly 8th) in minutes. It's bad enough that I like him-- he's going out w/ someone on top of it! My safe secret may not be so safe anymore!
April 13
Di--
Haven't written in here awhile. Nine days, to be exact. We were on vacation during that time period (in Marco Island, Fla). I brought you along, but didn't really feel like writing.
Isn't it weird? You'd never know from looking at me that I like Eli "hunky" Klein. And really, I'm not supposed to. He and Lena are an "item," remember?
L. keeps asking who I like. She could ask every person in the 7th grade (male), and skip him. I mean, in her (and my) mind, there's really no reason I should like a guy who's part of a happy couple.
That's the nice thing, though. No one will ever guess. My secret's safe w/ me.
Vanessa
Haven't written in here awhile. Nine days, to be exact. We were on vacation during that time period (in Marco Island, Fla). I brought you along, but didn't really feel like writing.
Isn't it weird? You'd never know from looking at me that I like Eli "hunky" Klein. And really, I'm not supposed to. He and Lena are an "item," remember?
L. keeps asking who I like. She could ask every person in the 7th grade (male), and skip him. I mean, in her (and my) mind, there's really no reason I should like a guy who's part of a happy couple.
That's the nice thing, though. No one will ever guess. My secret's safe w/ me.
Vanessa
Sunday, January 3, 2010
April 3
Forget stupid! Daddy says Mr. Lamott wants to move me to the smart math class; he's gonna see if the others approve. I am currently at a 100.3 in his class. Truthfully, if I can't ace my tests in the dumb class, I'll be humiliated in the smart. It's nice to know I was thought of.
Vanessa
P.S.-- If I move, Fran'll be by herself. Too bad. Oh-- what about my "baby"? Wait, he barely knows I'm alive. He'll survive.
Vanessa
P.S.-- If I move, Fran'll be by herself. Too bad. Oh-- what about my "baby"? Wait, he barely knows I'm alive. He'll survive.
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