March 21, 1998

Dear Di--

Sometimes I think it would be better not to love.

Tess & I slept over at Francine's last night, and amidst our laughing, giggling, complaints, and chatter, Tess said,

"U[...]. K. really likes you, Vanessa."

"Kinda lets ya know where ya said," Francine said, and the three of us laughed, because U.K., in Fran's opinion, is kind of a nerd, whereas Tess & I thought he was sort of cool.

I've had my heart trampled on too many times by Eli. The hurt is always fresh in my mind, the wounds renewed when he ignores me or (mockingly, possibly) insults me.

But I love him (as much as a teenager can) too much to let him go. I know I said there would be no talk of Eli & me, but if U.K. can like me, then why not Eli? (Even if U.K. IS a womanizer, like Tess says).

Where there is pain, there is joy, too. Feelings can be as wonderful as painful. Someday I'll get kissed by a really wonderful boy and I'll know that love is worth all the bittersweet pain.

Vanessa