February 18, 1998

Dear Di,

You know that one line in that song that goes, "I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried" & "I can't see anyone but you"? Well, that's true in my case. I'm SO attached to Eli that I really CAN'T see or imagine myself liking anyone else. I'm so... attached to him. My day rules or stinks depending if HE talked to me, looked at me, etc. I hate that! I hate how you base your day on how and if a certain boy talked to you.

Another point: Some of my entries are so trivial! I go on & on about Eli and PROVE no point. But when I wrote my "What's in a diary?" entry, my "boy conclusion," and a few others, I felt I was truly writing worthwhile stuff, something people might want to read. It serves a point, and comes from an adolescent girl's heart, from the depths of her SOUL, what she thinks, feels, etc. Why do I mention adolescence? In the introduction of "The Diary of Anne Frank," Eleanor Roosevelt says, among other things, "...and the young are not afraid of telling the truth..."

We young AREN'T. (Afraid of telling the truth, that is). We're NOT afraid of expressing our opinions on certain issues to an extent, standing up for ourselves, and all that jazz. (I just love that saying. Don't you?)

The thing is, Di, that last paragraph isn't ME. I thought before I wrote. Why should I do that?[,] you ask. It's a DIARY. No one will read this!!

But that's just it! I guess.... I guess I have this vision of, once I'm an established and famous writer, my diary becoming as famous as Anne Frank's. That's why I word this so carefully, at times. Everyone liked A.F.'s diary because it was thoughtful and well-written. Mine isn't. That's why I THINK before I write. I want this diary to be something worth reading, something people can (sort of) relate to. I DON'T want them to think the truth-- Ick! This girl is so self-centered and shallow. She spends PAGES talking about how cute a boy named Eli Klein is and how HOPELESS her chances are with him. Nothing in this book is worth reading. She can't write, the words are garbled and make no sense. Why did I even start this stupid diary? It's the worst book I've read in my-- yrs. It's pointless, vain, and all-around awful. The author is petty and illiterate.

Look at this, Di! I'm a master at criticizing my own personal diary. And every word is true.

Anne Frank is a role model for us, and rather than try to follow in her footsteps, we're paces behind!

Vanessa Lynn (Waltz)