February 23, 1998

Dear Di,

I am almost CHOKING from laughter, or at least I was. I've kind of calmed down now.

See, on the bus ride home, Lana Carroll's cousin (Lana is in my class and we have a pretty good relationship) was telling L and me about a sleepover she attended. The girls were asked who they wished they could be stuck on a desert island with, what personal item they would bring, what piece of clothing, and finally, what food?

Here are my answers. (You'll see why I didn't volunteer any info. when she asked me).

Person: Eli Klein (duh)

Clothing: Bikini

Pet (in my case): Bianca, my dog

Food: Brownies

Can you believe th[at] second... item? I mean, I can't believe I actually thought [it] up. Actually, when [I was] asked the questions, I didn't mean to think up those answers. I couldn't help it. They just popped into my brain. I didn't even TRY to think that. Without warning, though, I did.

That's the scream. Who would believe Vanessa Waltz, sweet, innocent, little Vanessa, would come up with such sick, disgusting, dirty answers? I'm surprised I didn't burst out laughing then & there!

But this is kind of sad, in its own way. I've been deprived of what I want... (Eli) that my mind has become twisted, and gone are my dreams of innocent first kisses. Now, I don't want anything less than "the real deal." I don't care to explain that.

It sickens me to what I've been reduced to... That's how desperate I've become. Sometimes I fear I'm obsessed with the poor boy... At least I'm not crying over him. (Yet).

I love you, Eli!! Why don't you love me back?

Frustrated,
Vanessa