January 27, 1998

Dear Di,

De-dum, de-dum, de-dum. More on my "horrible" entry. I haven't covered my feelings about Francine. Of course, I want her to be happy. And I know it sounds funny, but her "love life" seems to be going better than mine. She told me today that Karl was doing some honest-to-goodness-staring at her. I'm happy for her, but how come Eli never stares at ME? The answer is as obvious as the question: he doesn't like me. DUH, VANESSA. Get a clue! (A lot, for that matter). HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU. HE WILL PROBABLY NEVER LIKE YOU. GET OVER IT!

OK, OK. I'm not over it, but I'm trying. Let's review the facts.

#1 Eli is a CUTE guy.
#2 Eli is also semi-popular.
#3 Guys like him do not go for losers like me.

End of story.

I've got to stop thinking like this. True, Eli is a semi-popular hunk, and probably does not like me. But that doesn't mean I can['t] like me for me anyway.

Heck, last year on the first few days of school, I didn't give a thought to E. until he (tried to) ask me out.

Oh, did I forget to mention that? It was one of the first days of school, maybe the first. End of the day. I was heading for the gym. In fact, I was passing INTO it when I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Vanessa!"

I turned. There was Keith, and beside him this guy I didn't even know. I remembered he was new, and in my class.

"Um." He stuttered. He looked down at the floor, grinning. Keith pushed him forward, grinning too.

He (Eli) looked up, I think. He met my eyes. "Kinda cute," I thought.

The bell rang. Well, I had a bus to catch, and I was not about to be delayed by a guy I didn't even know. (And who hadn't gotten his point across). So I turned... and walked into the gym.

I know what you're "thinking," Di. How rude! It could have been the start of something special. And I just HAD to be an idiot & walk out. But you can't exactly blame me. I DID have a bus to catch.

The end[.]
Vanessa